We waited
in the waiting room. They waited in the hallway while I used the restroom. We
waited in the room for the doctor to come in. They waited for my appointment to
be over.
They had
waited long enough.
They were
restless.
The kicked
their legs and bounced around on the bench in our room, climbed off and on and
off and on while making strange noises with their mouths, clapping their hands,
stomping their feet.
The
midwife asked me questions and I turned up my volume to answer them over the
noise. I picked up the fussy baby and cuddled her, told her she could take her
nap as soon as she was in her car seat.
“How are
you feeling emotionally,” the midwife
asked me with an overly sympathetic voice.
“Great,” I
smiled.
“I mean,
how are you doing since you have your hands full?”
I wondered
for a moment if she has any children.
“Great,” I
said again. “I’m excited to complete our family.”
“Are you
holding up okay?” she tried again. “I imagine you’re exhausted.”
I wondered
what it was she was hoping I would say. That I was regretting this pregnancy?
That I wished we had stopped after one or two? That I couldn’t handle this and
was currently searching for a nanny?
“I feel
great,” I said again. “I think I was made for this.”
Ryan and I
laughed when I told him about the strange exchange later that night.
“It’s
true,” he said after a while. “You really were made for this.”
I was. I was
made for this. Some days I am overwhelmed and some days I lose my temper too
easily or am just not in the mood to play hide-and-seek or build yet another Lego
house… but most days, I’m a really good mom. Those bad days are a bummer, but
that’s all they are. A bummer. They are not me. They are not a definition of
motherhood for me. They are not all that my children will remember of me.
Mostly, I am
a book-reading, fort-building, snack-prepping, song-singing, tummy-tickling,
cheek-kissing, cape-tying, game-playing, adventure-planning, jungle
gym-climbing, car-vrooming, tower-building, hair-combing, belly-rubbing, good
mom.
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Thanks so much for your comments! I always read them, don't always have time to answer quickly. Sorry about that!