Monday, May 25, 2020

Five Things I'm Loving Right Now...

Thing 0.5- These bright daisies on my kitchen table, A's birthday gift for his little sister's birthday 💙

1- inspiring text messages from Lewis Howes and Dr. Nicole LePerra giving me important reminders in the middle of the day.

2- Ellie Holcomb's kid CD, Sing, while we make dinner together.

3- Taking three deep breaths before I get online and reminding myself I'm getting on to spread light, hope, love.

4- Plotting out next year's homeschool curriculum and schedule. I've been anxious for years about homeschooling multiple children in the least but now that we're here I'm not even a little concerned. What did we learn? The harder you worry, the less you'll have to worry later ;-]

5- Discovering something new about myself... I've always known I am a very sensitive person, filled with all the feelings. I realized this week that I'm actually far more of a feelings stuffer than I ever really saw. I see myself as great at expressing my feelings but in reality, I'm terrible at it when I take into account all the feelings I actually experience on a daily basis. Yesterday I felt like crying because I realized while washing dishes that billions of women have been doing this very thing, washing dishes, and now are gone from Earth with no one left remembering them. And someday that'll be me, too. I'll be gone and no one will be left who remembers me. It made my chest ache to realize how small we all are, and yet how important since our decisions change the whole world in a roundabout way, and then I naturally felt the heavy weight of responsibility that comes with all the beautiful lightness in motherhood.

I'm writing about it now, expressing it, but before this moment (and wow, my chest actually feels more loose, like my allergies weren't actually allergies at all) it all just sat there, weighing me down, because why would I ever verbalize that weirdness aloud? And anyway, (here comes my Enneagram 9-ness), who would ever even care to hear such weirdness?!

It occurred to me that this is why I like sad songs, sad books, sad movies. I need to watch This is Us or listen to Come Swindell's You Should be Here because crying is an important and necessary emotional release for me.

If you're looking for a good cry too, might I suggest you just search "covid 19 rise up" on YouTube? There are several montages depicting the human spirit/love/sacrifice/bravery to the song Rise Up that make this homebody introvert fall in love with community and, yes, cry like a baby.

Ryan and I take turns picking what shows to get on DVD (because we don't have Internet at home, new readers), and we still have 17 discs of his current pick, 24... But I've already chosen Parenthood as my next pick and have been getting so excited for it! Not only because I haven't seen it in years and am excited to guess at their Enneagram types, but also because I'm dying to experience so much crying. I'm going to feel like a million bucks by the end.

Can I encourage you to make a list of five things you love right now? <3

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