Sunday, May 31, 2020

Springtime Blues


I am sick every year from late May through late August.



Mosquito bites and sunshine, sigh. Sunny fall and winter days are still painful for me but that bright, hot, summertime sun is so brutal for me.

If I go out when it's sunny, my skin burns after just a few minutes. I have a horrible headache that starts at the base of my skull and wraps around behind my eyes. I feel dizzy. If I still stay outside, my joints hurt and even swell up. My stomach hurts. Brain fog. Debilitating, fall-asleep-standing-up fatigue. If I get sunburnt, even just a forgotten patch at my collarbone, hives.

If I go out while it's cloudy and muggy, mosquitoes. My mosquito bites always turn into instant hives and malaise + fatigue. 

Last year I had rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath, too. One reaction was so bad I almost used my epi-pen.

I tend to have depression and anxiety flare-ups in the summer which I'm sure are related, too.

When I found out I have the mthfr gene defect I discovered that a pretty rare symptom of it is sunlight allergy. I'm very mindful to take my methylfolate and get lots of natural folate in my diet, which has helped immensely, but it's really only given me a few more minutes of sunlight exposure before my symptoms get crazy.
I usually just ignore it and then complain. 

Last year I tried all the hippie things- sunlight-makes-me-feel-great affirmations, mosquito-bites-don't- affirmations, energy healing/ trapped emotion clearing, trauma release exercises post-outdoor time...

This year I'm trying something new. Accepting it. I'm already so tired of feeling sick and I'm embracing my mostly indoor spring/summer life. Water the garden, head straight back inside.

It makes me sad, since I love the outdoors so much, but also happy since I can't even express how miserable I am each summer. I think it's an important healing step for me, to finally respect and honor the things my body is telling me.

<3

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