Tuesday, July 21, 2020
I used to be a candle.
I was filled with fear and regret. I was constantly burdened by the choices I wished I hadn't made, the things I wished I'd handled differently, the pain others had caused me. I saw no worth or value in myself. I was anorexic and bulimic by turn, slicing my own skin open, hurling insults at myself, hating myself, riddled with anxiety and depression and PTSD.
Still, I was a candle. All that darkness and still I was a little light.
But then, God.
I've done so much healing, learning, growing. I still have regrets, still get nervous, still get sad, still try to tame inadequacy by skipping meals or to comfort myself with chocolate. I'm still human, is what I'm saying. But now I'm a lighthouse.
I used to let storms threaten to snuff me out. Now I see my purpose and value when storms come along.
I'm not the Coast Guard. That's Jesus. I am the lighthouse, shining bright to give you hope in the middle of the storm.
I see you, wondering if you're about to drown. You're a strong swimmer but you don't have to do this alone. Cry out. Pray. Open your heart to the idea of peace and joy.
This is not your whole story. The good part is up ahead.
*art by the talented Sophie Blackall in her beautiful Caldecott Medalist children's book, Hello Lighthouse