Friday, September 10, 2021

50 Great Things

I feel like I am standing in the center of a teeter totter right now. One foot on each side and wobbling like mad but still somehow msnaging to hold my balance. 

Under my left foot- fear, loss, sorrow, righteous anger. This has been quite a year for us. So much loss, so many unknowns. 

Under my right foot- love, joy, gratitude. 

Last night I couldnt sleep. I felt like all the fear and sorrow, all the loss, was fighting to keep me awake. So much sadness for all that is gone and all that has changed, so much sadness for the future that looks more grim all the time, so much sadness for my children who will all have no or few memories of life before

In general I am a very positive, cheerful person. I've pushed through some very sad and hard things and managed to come out the other side with a smile on my face. 

This week that hasn't been the case. I've cried sad and angry tears each day, I've let little things others say or do get to me, I've let what-ifs take over my thoughts. 

I'm allowed to feel my feelings. We've had so much loss this year and hard hits just keep coming. But I also feel better when I count my many blessings, when I remember that this is the day that the Lord has made and then choose to be glad and rejoice in it. 

So here I am. 50 things I am grateful for right in this moment: 

These five beautiful souls. Grandpa making enough progress that he's going home in the next week or two! Beautiful weather this morning. Sweet memories. A roof over our heads while we search for a roof of our own. Hot tea. Trees. The way my girls pronounce their Rs as Ws (Stay little!). Ryan working just down the hall, kissing my forehead every few hours and eating lunch with us. A stack of great-sounding new release Christian fiction books sent to me by their publisher. Homeschool letting us spend our days together. Clouds. Dancing. This comfy sweater. Heaven. Clean drinking water. Soft blankets. A ripe cantaloupe in the fridge, and other fruits and veggies too. My bond with my boy, who is older every day but still let's me cuddle him every night for now. The sugar scrub I made last week and soft my elbows and knees feel now. Football season. Butterflies on flowers. Air conditioning. My kids' imaginations. Good health. Quiet mornings and evenings, spirited days. Tinted windows. Comfortable new shoes I didn't even have to break in. Beautiful friendships with long-distance friends. A pretty great playlist! Letter-writing. I can still feel their newborn bodies on my chest when I close my eyes and concentrate. Photographs of the people I love. Pillowfort giggles. Gameschool day... Life with my loves. Family movie night tomorrow! Two of my kids made my bed for me this morning. Soup. Christmas DIY ideas I'm excited about. 60% of phone battery still left at 4pm... Always had to charge my phone twice when we lived in the woods! Peace though I'm not yet done with this list. Blinds to open and shut as one pleases. She still has to stand on tiptoes to turn off the lights. Words of inspiration speaking to my soul. A fresh page in my day planner every Monday! Rain in next week's forecast. Excited dinner helpers tonight. Freckles. Somebody pointing out a character strength I've been working hard to develop. A good pair of oversized sunglasses. 


Thanks so much for your comments! I always read them, don't always have time to answer quickly. Sorry about that!